There’s a natural tendency in human beings to strive for life and protect themselves against pain and death. These impulses are also present in animals. What is special then about humans? We can consciously choose to think and behave in a different way which is conducive to our spiritual development, namely to give up fear and panic, and to remain calm and reasonable.
Bert Hellinger describes a basic requirement for dealing with the matters of Life and Death during his workshop in Warsaw in 2003.
“When it comes to more difficult things, to matters of life and death, for instance, you cannot do this, unless you have undergone a certain inner growth. That means that you have learnt to agree to the world as it is, with no wish to change it. It’s the best possible world. If you want to change it, you put yourself above God or the Creator. You behave as if you would do better. Only children think that they can do better than their parents.
“The personal growth means that you consent to the world as it is. You consent to your parents as they are. You consent to yourself as you are, without any wish to be different in anyway. Then you get very calm. You don’t have to bother much and just love yourself as you are, and your parents as they are and you love other people as they are. And then when you help people, you consent to them as they are, without any wish to improve them.
“If you have that wish, you put yourself above them. Then you won’t succeed. But when you support them in their inner growth, the main support is that you help them that they love themselves as they are, that they love their parents as they are, and that they love the world as it is. Then they can give up certain dreams and reconcile with reality as it is. In this way we work in a very modest way, but the results are marvelous. Why? Because they are in agreement and in tune with reality as it is.”
This text may cause dislike or even repulsion when it is not understood as it is. For example, what about if my current situation is a painful one or not satisfying? Should I remain in this situation, seek no solution and give up my hope or dreams? Well, the most popular course of action is to reject the reality and strive for something better and let the past disappear or go to hell. This is the wide path. The notion is that any painful or unsatisfying situation is present in our life to teach us something. If we don’t learn the lessons, the hell could appear again. As the saying goes, the history repeats itself, even though some details may change from time to time. It is difficult to accept the pain as one’s teacher.
Bert Hellinger suggests a narrow path which is rarely trodden. First of all there’s a basic requirement to come down to earth and agree to the reality as it is, and even to face the music if it’s necessary. No escape and no rejection. Just calm and reasonable agreement.
But is that all? What about hope and change? Well, that is precisely the point, how to materialize hope in a real way and to make substantial changes. When you accept the reality and give up certain dreams – notice, only “certain” dreams – then you can make real steps to a happier life and fulfil real dreams and “the results are marvelous”.
